Jordan Zakarin

Pre-Gaming

Today, it starts. Today is my pre-op exam, which is to heart surgery as Thanksgiving is to the Holiday season: the official nice and easy start, with enough time to take a breathe before diving into the Christmas/New Year consumerganza.

This may or may not be quite as festive.

I’m not really sure what pre-op entails, to be honest. I must have gone through it back in 2002, the last time I had this much fun, but I don’t remember it. To be honest, I’m not sure why they need to do this, given that they insist on torturing me with two days in the hospital before the surgery even goes down. You’d figure they’d have enough time to do whatever it is they need to do at that time.

Nonetheless, I’m headed to Columbia for a 9:30 appointment, which means I’ll be late for work. I told Gabe, my boss, that normally I don’t like to have this much fun before my morning coffee/french vanilla mix (the only bean-based miracle juice that I can drink without projectile vomiting), but the chest x-ray machine is bumpin and fuck if I’m gonna miss out on that party this morning.

And so it begins, the run-up to the big day. The day that I have to stop pretending that this is all a dream and this blog an LSD-inspired sham (pretending to be on LSD: not nearly as fun as actually doing it, I’d imagine). Hopefully, I’ll quickly leave the hospital today and go on pretending that I’ll be out on the town next weekend instead of in a hospital bed, hiding from the world (not that many will be seeking me out, of course).

I just want to note that this may have been a much darker passage, had it not been for a late night rush of human nature’s brighter side.

I haven’t told many people I actually know about the surgery, for fear of being a buzzkill or seeming weird and different (moreso than my personality already dictates). But my friends Andrew and Heidi posted on Facebook and Twitter, respectively, about my situation, and the calls and messages from friends and complete strangers alike have been awesome, and more than I could have asked for.

One friend of a friend (whom I now consider a friend) even made a donation to AHA, which blew me away and sent me to sleep considering how I can further use this blog for good. You know who you are, and thank you so much.

Also want to thank Brian, who has been posting kind words about me from afar on his blog without so much having met me. To be honest, that kind of reaction is amongst the most awesome things I could ask for.

A dolphin’s heart, and thus its swimming ability and rubbery skin, would also be amongst those awesome things, but I’ll take what I can get.

Notes

  1. jordansheartsucks posted this
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