I’d love to see what Wes could do with her. In a script.
(via snookieshop)
Wall Street To Hold Telethon for Goldman CEO
Well, I’ve done it. I’ve taken down Wall Street with one swift stroke of the e-pen.
Reacting swiftly and with the compassion it is so often accused of lacking, Wall Street’s top CEO’s and bankers rallied to the aid Goldman Sachs’ CEO Lloyd Blankfein, announcing a weekend fundraising telethon for the industry trailblazer in the aftermath of his devastating 2009 bonus.
Just hours after his firm announced that Blankfein would be receiving just a $9 million bonus, housed in 58,000 shares of the banks’ ever-climbing stock, other top bankers on Wall Street released a statement urging every American to “give what they can” to help Blankfein “weather this recession.”
“It’s almost as if he’s taking a bullet for everyone else,” said Mark Borges, a principal with Compensia Inc., a Northern California compensation consulting firm.***
***This quote was actually uttered by a real “human”
Click to read the whole thing. Please?!?!
The Dada Manifesto
by Hugo Ball, 1916
mur takik (an excerpt):
I shall be reading poems that are meant to dispense with conventional language, no less, and to have done with it. Dada Johann Fuchsgang Goethe. Dada Stendhal. Dada Dalai Lama, Buddha, Bible, and Nietzsche. Dada m’dada. Dada mhm dada da. It’s a question of connections, and of loosening them up a bit to start with. I don’t want words that other people have invented. All the words are other people’s inventions. I want my own stuff, my own rhythm, and vowels and consonants too, matching the rhythm and all my own. If this pulsation is seven yards long, I want words for it that are seven yards long. Mr Schulz’s words are only two and a half centimetres long.
It will serve to show how articulated language comes into being. I let the vowels fool around. I let the vowels quite simply occur, as a cat meows … Words emerge, shoulders of words, legs, arms, hands of words. Au, oi, uh. One shouldn’t let too many words out. A line of poetry is a chance to get rid of all the filth that clings to this accursed language, as if put there by stockbrokers’ hands, hands worn smooth by coins. I want the word where it ends and begins. Dada is the heart of words.
Each thing has its word, but the word has become a thing by itself. Why shouldn’t I find it? Why can’t a tree be called Pluplusch, and Pluplubasch when it has been raining? The word, the word, the word outside your domain, your stuffiness, this laughable impotence, your stupendous smugness, outside all the parrotry of your self-evident limitedness. The word, gentlemen, is a public concern of the first importance.
Thinking of a Career Change
If this whole writer thing doesn’t work out, Facebook has some cool suggestions:
Archie meets Jarvis Cocker. Look at that sneering Cockney lip.
I don’t know if it’s great or awful that I can appreciate this. But I do love me some Pulp, and I did have an impressive Archie collection as a little dweeb kid.
(via nedhepburn)
If Wes Anderson directed the new Spider-Man movie.
This is everything I’ve ever loved.
I write political satire. But sometimes, the truth is far beyond any scope of imagination and fictional capacity, inflated with so much absurdity that there is absolutely no room for satirizing it.
This ad, made for failed Hewlett Packard CEO and flailing Republican candidate for Senate in California, Carly Fiorino, is the ultimate satire. And against all odds and media consultants, it is real. This happened. This was made for an actual political candidate, running for the UNITED STATES SENATE in the largest state in the union.
I have two theories here. Either she hired a hipster ad firm in hopes of cornering the ironic vote, or someone played a horrible, horrible trick on her. An ad man that was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, if you will.
Tonight was its last night at Film Forum in NYC, but if you get any chance at all, I most emphatically recommend checking out the Russian film “A Room and A Half” which, don’t worry, is conveniently subtitled for American cinemagoers.
Based on, or at least inspired by, the life of Russian poet Joseph Brodsky, the film is a visual event and a fabulous meditation on both social unrest and the innocence that can be had despite the gathering storm.
Using a stunning combination of actors, docu footage and clever animation, director Andrey Khrzhanovsky tells the story of leaving the nest for great fame while always yearning for the return trip that can never be.
(Click the picture for a much more elegant and detailed take on the film.)
Who is this oatmeal cookie-headed man, and how can I steal his brain, ransacking it for all bits of creativity while filling it with the misery of my middle school years and that time I saw that old lady naked and all my ongoing discomfort, forevermore and evermore?
Reviews for my new show, “I’m Fat and Stupid and my Wife is Attractive.”
“The amount of dialogue is impressive and even though I don’t always know what they are saying, it does well to add some sort of presence to my living room. Silence scares me because it makes me realize that today was supposed to be the tomorrow I was telling you about and none of my dreams came true.” —Entertainment Weekly
“The show is predictable and runs at a decent length. The man is fat and stupid and his wife is attractive. I like it when things are what they say they are going to be. Predictable is good – I can plan for that. I can understand that. Because how did I know that picking up the cat was going to make me want to squeeze him until his eyes bulged and he passed out? I never would have gone near him, but I’m a stranger to myself these days. My teeth hurt and I don’t recognize my hands. It’s like I went to sleep one night and woke up with new hands and when I touch my wife, she shivers.” —TV Guide
“I like how the laugh track helps ease me into my own laughter as if it somehow senses that I need a hand with expressing myself. I do need that from time to time because it’s good to know that I can feel things. My wife caught me pressing a hot iron against my arm and she didn’t stop me. We just stood there and looked at each other and I think that if the baby hadn’t started crying right then, I could have just kept burning my skin right down to the bone. Also, I like that neighbor character. He’s funny.” —Variety
Senate Republicans Refuse To Call Deli
For about nine months, starting in early 2008, I ran a political satire site called ReallySeriousNews.com. As I graduated college and entered the real world, this was my pride and joy, and I loved it and took it seriously and worked my ass off on it. Then came the real world, and as President Obama got elected, I more or less shut down RSN.
Looking for another creative outlet, and still angry over politics, I decided to bring back ReallySeriousNews yesterday. I’m going to make a real go of building the site and making both political and comedic statements.
The greatest joy in political satire is when the ridiculous story you write gets scraped by reality. My first article has already proved me prescient. Here’s an excerpt from what I wrote:
Senate business came to a grinding halt on Monday, as the Republican minority obstructed a voice vote over the chamber’s daily lunch spread.
Generally a voice vote and mere formality, the shock scene came as Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) announced he was placing a hold on the spiced ham in the traditional cold cut spread that the legislative body had enjoyed every first Monday of the month for the last 24 years.
Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid blasted the move, but came up short in backroom negotiations when Coburn’s fellow Republican, Jim DeMint, of South Carolina, motioned that he would filibuster the bread selection for its lack of sour dough.
Goofy, sure, but how far from the truth is it? This morning, I see this headline:
In a particularly pugnacious move, the GOP insisted Monday evening on 60-vote threshold for a fairly middle-of-the-road nominee to be solicitor general at the Department of Labor. To be sure, Patricia Smith, the New York State Labor Commissioner, wouldn’t be nominated by a Republican president and has the support of the AFL-CIO. But she also has the backing of New York business groups and local Chambers of Commerce, as well as GOP members of the New York House delegation.
Still, for Senate Republicans, she might as well have been Karl Marx and Van Jones wrapped into one.
Every Republican who showed up voted to sustain a filibuster against her nomination. As a result, it took every member of the Democratic caucus to end the filibuster, on a 60-32 vote. In a normal legislative body, a 2-1 vote is a rout. In today’s Senate, it’s a squeaker.
And when Scott Brown takes his newly-won Senate seat, the GOP will have the votes it needs to block nominees like Patricia Smith.
Just when I was feeling bad that I had missed out on lambasting a ridiculous year in politics, I’m reminded the crazy never stops. It sucks for the country, but for me, this is gonna be fun.
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